Daughters

I grew up in a loving, supportive, middle-class class family of five, in Reading Massachusetts-a suburb of Boston.

Many, over the years, have referred to our family as the Reading version of the “Kennedy’s”. And, to some extent, while that might be true, to me, it lovingly felt more like the “Simpson’s” :)

I have an older sister (Pam) and a younger brother (Ken). Both of whom I consider, to this day, to be best friends and incredible human beings.

My Dad (93 years young, living on Cape Cod, happily married to wonder-women Dotty Bradley and still in relatively good health) was a college athlete super-star, in his own right, enjoyed an enviable High-School career as an uber popular Math teacher, head Football coach, Golf coach, part-time Basketball referee and Athletic Director. He was, unquestionably, the focal point of our family mission, mantra and mandate. All of us humbly lived in the shadow of his public and private greatness and veneration.

My dear, saintly Mom, bless her heart, passed away of Alzheimers, about a decade ago, and served as the family “cheerleader and “assistant coach”.

She was an amazing person with herculean inner gifts of kindness, diplomacy, otherness, humility, graciousness, hospitality, warmth, spark.

Both of them, in their own unique ways, forever altered the lives of those who had the honor and privilege of knowing each of them.

If my dad was the undisputed family leader, my mom was the undisputed family lover. My Dad set the family tone and agenda. My Mom did her best to practically and peacefully execute both.

I am who I am today because of who my parents were and are. Thank you.I will forever be in your debt.

The path to approval and acceptance in our athletic household was winning not whining, competing not collapsing, leading not following. That, in hindsight, proved to be a tall order for this middle child who had both the physical sensibilities of an athlete but also the creative sensitivities of an artist (spoiler alert-the artist side won out!).

So when it became my turn to bringing children into this great, big world of ours, I secretly hoped for girls. I was thankfully blessed with two of them-Emma (22) and Audrey (19). From day one, they both have been, are and will always be the brightest and most enduring luminaries in my universe.

Just typing out their names makes me beam and gush.

Shannon (Mom) and I both believed that the only two, lasting things we could give our girls was roots and wings. And we did just that, throughout their entire lives, with every bit of focus, passion and enthusiasm we could muster. We weren’t perfect parents, by any stretch of the imagination. We stumbled, blundered, fell-short more than we cared to admit. But somehow, someway, thanks to the grace of God, maybe good fortune too, we found our way in this world with our children in tow.

Unlike how I grew up, centered around sports, our family dynamic has always been centered around the Arts. We are a family of artists. That’s how we roll. I would have it no other way. My daughters draw, illustrate, paint, photograph, journal, write, film, knit….and occasionally find time to eat and sleep:)

Inspite of Shannon and I being “consciously uncoupled” and living very separate and different lives, with even different love interests, we still protect our weekly family night of catching up, eating out, cooking, going to movies, playing cards and board games, listening to music, taking family snaps and naps…

For those of you that follow Enneagram lore, Shannon and Emma are classic Type Nines- The Peacemaker. Audrey is a Type Five-The Investigator. And me, last but not least, am a classic Type Three-The Performer. Inspite of our obvious personality differences, we have always found a way to love and live together, minimizing our differences and maximizing our commonalities (which are plentiful:))

Our family is not faultless but ideal. We love out of vulnerability and from deep, enduring places. And I don’t expect that will ever change!

Growing up, and as you might imagine, our family dynamic looked like a football game-day playbook (lots of Xs and Os). Our family dynamic, on the other hand, with Shannon and the girls, looks more like a messy, lyrical movie score. On any given family gathering you’ll, you’ll find each us, while being inter-connected, independently lost in our own creative worlds of drawing, writing, photographing, journaling, creating, dreaming, listening to music, grooving’ on podcasts, YouTubing, knitting, sewing, reading.

As a creative family, we are better together than apart. That was always our strength. It still is.

Emma, our oldest, last-year design student, at the University of Texas, is an accomplished designer, illustrator and graphic artist (following in the footsteps of her uber talented mother, Shannon). Audrey, a recent graduate of Westlake High School, is a painter, drawer, textile artist, comedy storyteller and writer. Add to all this Shannon’s love for Graphic Design, Powerpoint presentations, mixed-media sales deliverables, illustration and my love for photography and filmmaking….and you start to get a sense of what creative life is like under the Hollingsworth roof:). Collaboration, not competition.

But these are all external drivers. Both Emma Audrey have equally rich and refined inner lives too. And, in each of them, it’s this strong and passionate inner life, they both enjoy, that gives shape and form to their artistic skills and deliverables.It’s just amazing to witness.

They are mature, anchored, centered, funny, responsible, caring, giving, motivated.

I’m a social extrovert. I enjoy a handful of intimate relationships in my life-platonic and romantic. But none of them fill me up, at a core level, like when I spend time with my own daughters and family. I think it’s suppose to be like this! How can it not be?

Children are a life-gift with no opt-outs. When you face conflict, you work it out. You compromise and find a happy medium and resolution. Period. Romantic love interests, throughout your life, will ebb and flow. Here today, gone tomorrow. But this isn’t how it works with your offspring. You are in these relationship for life with no strings attached or no reservations or conditions.

I can’t think of any fellow sojourners that I would rather be life-tripping with than Emma, Audrey and Shannon. It’s that simple and it’s that clear.

I believe that the greatest legacy we will ever leave behind, after we are long gone, is not our accomplishments but affections, not the work we create but the offspring we mold, not what we say about ourselves but what our children say about us, not the public recognition of career awards but the private and quiet recognition of witnessing our children grow up into full blossoming adults and planet-earth contributors.

My two daughters, with a little kicking and screaming, have both been in front of a camera since birth. Say cheese:)

Photographing them is still my favorite pastime. And one that I never tire of. I have always equated this experience to shooting a multi-faceted diamond-with many angled, flat surfaces, each reflecting different degrees and properties of light. The more I photograph my two daughters, the more sides I discover. The process is never ending.

Here a few family shots I pulled from my archive. Just seeing them, in pictures, makes me proud. Not because of the technical craft behind any of these images but the emotional context and backstory behind all of them.If your family photo archives are not the biggest category on your camera roll…shame on you. It’s the law of attraction-we shoot what we love most!

As a Dad, I can’t help be deeply proud of my children. Not so much for what they have accomplished in their very short lives. But more so for who they are and what each has become.

For all you Dads reading this, with estranged relations to your sons or daughters, maybe today is the day to reconnect. Be the first to reach out. Make amends. And begin to enjoy the fruits of what has always been just a call or touch away- family intimacy.

Note to Emma and Audrey:

For all the times in our family life , that I have disappointed or failed you, please forgive me.

I have loved and adored you each, from birth, with all my heart. My life would not be complete without you. I see you both of you as a freshly-cut bouquet of countryside flowers-colorful, unique, scentful, complementary. And, pedal by pedal, adding warmth, beauty and attractiveness to all you come in contact with. I don’t tell you I love you often enough. But know this, whether I'm here or traveling the world, your well-being and good-wishes are always in my heart and on my mind. You are bone of my bone. And flesh of my flesh. Inspite of your Mom and I no longer sharing sacred marriage vows, there is nothing in the world that will ever estrange our relationship with and to each of you. I will always be here for you. Always!. Even in your darkness, call my name and I’ll be there. I will always be a call, a text, a touch away. I have no idea of what my future love interests in life will look like. Or how that will play out. What I do know, with certainty, is that I come as a package. If that person can love each of you, like I do, without conditions or reservations, she will have access to my full heart as you have access now. I’m so very proud of the young women you have become-at every level. My heart overflows with deep gratification and satisfaction in your love and life choices. I don’t know what your future life-path is. But I know you have the roots and wings to tackle it with all the gusto and imagination that life brings you. You are both so very beautiful, inside and outside. I always wanted girls. And now...I have the two very best girls that any Dad could ever imagine. If I were a chef…you would be my spices. If i were an architect…you would be my foundation. If I was a musician…you would be my heartfelt chord. If I were a poet…you would be my rhyme. If I were a Lighthouse…you would be my shelter in the storm. If I were an Astronomer…you would be my North Star. And, most importantly, if I are a Dad…you would be my daughters. I love you both so very much…to the moon and back! You both complete me.

I close with lyrics from the song Daughters by musician John Mayer

Fathers be good to your daughters.
Daughters will love like you do.
Girls become lovers, who turn into Mothers.
So, Mothers be good to your daughters too.